Imagine this scenario. You’ve come into work as usual, greeting your co-workers, avoiding the boss, plucking up the courage to say hello to that cute new intern. You come to your desk, and you get the notice that you’re due for a urine drug test in two days!
Let’s face the facts – we ALL use drugs! According to a recent poll, 52% of Americans have tried marijuana at some point in their lives. And if weed isn’t your drug, you probably indulge in MDMA, Cocaine, Mushrooms, Adderall, or have at least used painkillers.
We ALL use drugs, and we ALL get tested for it. Is it fair? Hell no. But is it avoidable? Damn straight.
There’s a whole market of urine products out there that can help you bluff your way past a urine test. But if you’re like us and you want to be nothing less than 145% sure that you’ll pass a urinalysis, only one product can save your ass.
Forget the detoxes, the pills, the masking gums, or the fiber supplements. What you need is fake pee.
Uh-Oh, Urine Trouble
If this is your first time having heard of fake pee as a product, know that it’s a big thing. Lots of people use fake pee – from checking if their tester kits pass, passing drug tests for their own purposes, and other… bedroom exploits. While it’s not something that you can find in your local grocery (if you do, tell us – we’d be super interested) it’s a product that you can get your hands on with a little digging.
If this ISN’T your first time hearing about fake piss, then you know that not all fake piss is created equal. Any guy can mix in a bunch of random chemicals into a bottle and market it as fake pee. But it takes a true expert to produce laboratory-quality, test-passing, rules-busting synthetic urine that works when you need it to work.
For fake pee, quality is everything. It’s not just a question of authenticity: when so much is on the line with one urine test, you want your odds to be ever in your favor. So here’s what you look for when buying fake pee.
Let’s start with the most important one. Synthetic urine has to be composed of the right stuff that normal urine has. Laboratory tests break down urine samples by composition, so if your urine shows that there are foreign substances in there – even if they aren’t drugs – then that’s enough of a red flag to get you investigated.
If you’re looking for fake pee, look for a laboratory-certified formula. Not only does this help you avoid getting ripped off by some substandard stuff someone cooked in a basement, but it’ll also be your greatest asset in passing that piss test.
Ease Of Use
Unlike detoxes and masking agents, fake urine is simple. You don’t have to go on a diet, nor do you need to perform an elaborate sacrifice in the light of the full moon over a sample of your piss. All you need to do is to get the bottle, run in the bathroom, “pee” into the sample and hand it off. If your fake piss isn’t ready to use straight out of the box, then chuck it back where it came from.
That also goes for the box it came in. A good synthetic urine product has everything you need so you can deploy your little secret come testing day. A GREAT synthetic urine product will tell you EXACTLY how to use the stuff in the best and easiest way. It’s made by scientists – but it shouldn’t be rocket science.
Shipping and Handling
Fake pee isn’t something that you parade around in public – and may the gods have mercy on your soul if a nosy neighbor sees a glimpse. Your product should offer discreet packaging (since they’re shipped) so you avoid all the awkward conversations your package will invite with the sweet old lady that lives next door.
Another thing that your product should have is expedited shipping. Sometimes you don’t have that long to prepare for a urine test, and you can’t afford to wait around for the post to get your stuff to your doorstep. If it takes too long to arrive, your company can switch your testing dates around on you, which can leave you well and truly screwed.
No matter the fake urine that you’ll use, it needs to have all the above qualities so you can rest easy knowing you have a good product. There are some brands that do it better than others (and we’ll talk about them in a bit) but getting the basics down can at least give you a fighting chance of passing that test.
But before we talk about the products, let’s talk a little bit about how that dank kush actually works – and the tests they’ve come up with that you need to fool.
AT A GLANCE: OUR TOP PICK FOR BEST SYNTHETIC URINE
Here’s best synthetic urine 2020, which (spoiler alert) has less than a 0.02% fail rate. Quick Fix is the most popular synthetic urine kit with the highest reported pass results. You can get it directly from their Official Website at a discounted rate.
Have You Met Mary Jane?
Marijuana is a simple drug to understand. It’s processed by inhalation or ingestion, though there are some THC and CBD variants that you can inject straight into your bloodstream. While a lot of people use it to get high, there’s also an increasing amount of users that take it for medical reasons like treating PTSD or anxiety.
So why is it illegal? Well, you can thank the Prohibitionists for that. According to a nifty book called “Cannabis: A History”, most Americans actually had no problem with the green prior to the 1930s. In fact, we’ve been smoking weed more or less since 440 years before Jesus! But a combination of federal loopholes, political rallying, and some old-fashioned racism pegged marijuana as evil – which led to Congress banning it in the 1940s.
Luckily, we’ve had a little more luck legalizing marijuana in the past decade, or at least reducing the restrictions. But there are still a lot of states that aren’t cool with weed, and even more companies that don’t like their employees smoking a joint (even if they don’t do it on company time) that outright ban the use of marijuana.
All of this sounds pretty damn unfair for us smokers, but let’s give these guys the benefit of the doubt for a second. Is smoking weed bad?
No, It’s Not.
Yep, you read that right. Places like the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration have shown that smoking marijuana doesn’t cause a lot of effects that people say it does: it’s not a gateway drug, it doesn’t inspire insanity, and it definitely doesn’t kill people. In fact, you’re more likely to be killed by alcohol and tobacco than THC.
So if you’ve ever felt ashamed about your habit, take it from us (and science): you shouldn’t be. And if you are in a place where they’re a little less than happy that you puff-puff-passing now and then, there’s a way for you to continue the habit without getting caught.
How Do They Find Out?
There’s three common testing methods that check for marijuana:
Urine tests, which check for the levels of metabolites (the stuff left behind by marijuana in your body) in your pee;
Mouth swab tests, where the inside of your mouth is swabbed for traces of marijuana left behind in your saliva;
Hair follicle tests, when a sample of your hair is snipped and scanned for traces of metabolites in your system.
Aside from a blood test (which is nearly impossible to fool) these are the most likely tests that you’ll encounter in your lifetime. All of them can be fooled with the right product and some practice – but for now, let’s focus on the urine test.
Mary, Meet Metabolites
We’ve mentioned before that metabolites are the stuff that remains in your blood after your body’s processed marijuana – but how does it show up in your pee?
Well, you don’t just get rid of marijuana after getting down from your high. Since it’s a chemical product, it leaves traces like metabolites in your body that can take a few days to remove. And since metabolites are in your blood, they can show up almost anywhere in your body like your hair or your urine.
What makes urine tests to effective is that traces of metabolites can still show up in your pee days after you’ve last smoked weed. Your body can’t expel all the traces of marijuana out at once (unless you do a detox or have some other way of clearing out your body) so urine tests analyze the composition of your urine, just to check if there are any traces of stuff like THC in it. Some tests are more advanced than others, so they can even go back as far as two weeks to check if you’ve been smoking any weed from that point.
All of this makes urinalysis – even your average ones – very difficult to fool. So why use fake pee?
Pissing the Fright Away
There are three reasons we’d recommend using synthetic urine to beat a drug test above anything else:
- It’s fast. Unlike detoxes and masking agents (which can take anywhere from 3 to 10 days to work), synthetic urine is fast and requires almost zero preparation. Some products you need to mix while others can be used straight from the packaging, but fake urine can work for you even if you only have an hour to prepare before the test.
- It’s easy. A lot of places will often have you pee in presence of a tester, but it’s easy enough to hide a fake urine bag in your pants so you don’t get caught. Some brands will even have a special tubing mechanism designed to replicate peeing as closely as possible to make the entire process even easier.
- It’s foolproof. Since fake pee replicates normal pee, there’s no chance that a good formula can trip up any lab tests. They can still detect masking pills and detox drinks with newer testing methods, but fake pee won’t show up as anything suspicious. Hand in your sample and walk out smiling – they’ll be none the wiser.
All those factors mean that a hard-working weed smoker can roll a joint before testing day, sober up the morning before the test, hand in the fake pee, and go back to puffing the same night. It’s the best solution for any kind of smoker regardless of how much they smoke, and it doesn’t require much in terms of how to use and prepare it.
But not all fake pee is created equal. And while we gave the basics of what makes good fake pee different from any old fake pee, there are a few enterprising products out there that stand out.
Best Synthetic Urine Reviews 2020
There are 3 best synthetic urine kits on the market right now that can be used safely for a drug test. Quick Fix, Monkey Whizz and Clear Choice are all superior brands as compared to less known products like U-Pass, Magnum, P-Sure, X-Stream and Urine Luck.
If you decide to go with fake piss, here is an overview of some of the best synthetic urine brands I suggest you go with:
1. Quick Fix Solution: Best Synthetic Urine 2020
Quick Fix has been the gold standard for synthetic urine, and it’s easy to see why: with a tried-and-tested formula that improves with time, it’s THE product of choice for anyone who needs to pass that urine test. It comes with its own pee bag and tubing and can be microwaved for the best ease of use – it’s a product that has both success and user experience in mind.
It’s also one of the few formulas that they consistently improve to match newer urinalysis tests, so you’re sure that the latest version will always work. Their formula replicates real pee in every way possible; and whether you’re using a home tester kit or laboratory equipment, your results will come up clean.
- Longest shelf life for synthetic urine
- Can be frozen for better storage
- Laboratory-grade formula gives best results
- Pricier than your average synthetic urine
- May be difficult to source given the high demand
Yay: Highly praised and well-made fake pee that makes sure that you’ll pass your piss test with flying colors.
Nay: This product is always in demand, so you’ll have to get yours as soon as you can. You can get your box directly from the Official Website here.
2. Clear Choice Sub Solution Synthetic Urine
Clear Choice has a stellar record in helping weed smokers all around the country pass their drug tests – and a large portion of that is due to the unique way they make their formula. It’s the only powdered form of synthetic pee that you can find which offers it a lot of advantages like a longer shelf life and a fresher sample to hand in if you mix it during testing day itself.
Their formula isn’t half-bad either: it’s sophisticated enough to pass laboratory tests and can fool most testers with color and consistency. The only thing we’d point out is that this takes some preparation before use, so you better make sure that you can sneak this into your office or the testing site without getting caught.
- Long shelf life
- Less chance of contamination during prep
- Will always be fresh
- Expensive and difficult to source
- Many versions floating around the market
- Powdered form may be impractical for some forms of storage
Yay: A tried-and-tested product for the regular smoker, Clear Choice Sub Solution is a good way to pass your usual urine drug test.
Nay: It requires some preparation to work, which you can get wrong if you aren’t careful. Also, newer testing methods can pick up on powder’s artificial components.
3. Monkey Whizz Synthetic Urine
Monkey Whizz is a good example of a product that goes above and beyond what they originally designed it for. While they marketed it as a fetish product, the attention to detail that the manufacturers paid to the formula was picked up by marijuana users to pass drug tests. It contains all the stuff that you’d expect to see in real pee and is incredibly realistic – right down to the smell.
Another bonus is that it’s one of the few products that’s targeted for unisex use, so anyone can get themselves a box of Monkey Whizz and use it to pass their drug tests. It’s cheaper than a lot of synthetic urine brands, easier to use, and overall more convenient to work with.
- Overnight shipping
- Cheaper than other brands
- Can be outfitted with accessories like the Monkey Dong
- Intentionally designed as a fetish product
- Not laboratory certified
- Package isn’t medical grade
Yay: If you want your pee to pass the realism department, this is the brand that you should go for. You can get your box of Monkey Whizz directly from this authorized dealer.
Nay: Newer tests might pick up that this pee is artificial – and the lack of medical-grade materials means that the chance of contaminating your sample is higher than usual.
There’s More Than Just Handing It In!
Now, while we’ve given you our recommendations for the top synthetic urine brands you can’t just sit on your ass and expect the pee to do all the work. You need to pull your own weight too, especially in the days leading up to your test.
For the best results, we recommend doing the following with your fake pee:
Read the instructions. While you can use some of these products straight out of the box, some of them need a little work before you hand in the sample. A big part of prep is about heating your fake piss, because no one has cold pee. Aside from that, these products give you detailed instructions on how best to use them and the ideal time for you to hand in your sample. We can’t stress this enough: read, read, READ.
Cut down on the weed. Okay, we know that one of the best things about using fake pee is that you don’t need to fast from the green, but for the sake of appearances you should put that joint down. It’s possible that your company might keep an eye on all of you in the days before the test and if you trip their radar, you might face something a lot more complicated than a simple urine test.
Be discreet. Don’t wave around that you’re smuggling fake pee into the testing booth – you never know who can snitch on you. Clean up after yourself if you ever prepare your sample at work, and never, NEVER tell anyone that you’re trying to cheat a drug test. All the kits here are small and can be snuck in a test with ease, so the only way you’ll get tripped up is if you do it yourself.
Know what you’re dealing with. It’s possible that they might test you for marijuana in other ways, so make sure you know what tests you’re dealing with come testing day. If your company is super paranoid, they might have you take more than one kind of drug test so you need to prepare accordingly. We might have given you the best fake pee in the market but they won’t do shit against a follicle or mouth swab test.
Don’t get creative. You might think adding some water or some pee of your own might help make your sample seem more legit, but ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DO THIS. Only mix in what the packaging tells you to mix and add nothing else! These ingredients are sensitive and can be disrupted by anything else aside from itself, so once you’ve got your bottle, leave it the way it is.
If you have time, test yourself. There are a lot of home drug test kits out there that you can use if you’re still having doubts if your synthetic urine works. Some of them are even laboratory-grade and are commonly used in routine urinalysis – if nothing else, it’ll help you sleep the night before the test knowing that you’ll pass.
Companies are legally mandated to inform their employees they’re about to take their drug tests a couple of days or even weeks in advance, so you have time to prepare your fake pee. Unless you’ve been throwing out signs you’ve been smoking weed (or someone snitches on you) it’s unlikely that you’ll get hit with a surprise urinalysis. Fortunately, these products can all work even if you only have the night before to prepare.
Where Do I Get These Then?
You can only get synthetic urine online, since it’s not the stuff that the law would allow on shelves. That means that it’s easier to place an order than walking out of a store with it, but that also comes with a few risks of its own.
First, always make sure you order straight from the manufacturer. There’s a lot of fake or substandard synthetic urine floating around and these products will DEFINITELY flunk a laboratory-grade urinalysis. By order straight from the manufacturer, you’ll know that your stuff is genuine.
Second, avoid third-party resellers. Sure, they may have the legitimate product to sell, but they’re also a lot more expensive than ordering from the manufacturer. There’s also the possibility that these suppliers can be undercover cops that can investigate why you’re ordering such a product – and that’s a problem that no amount of fake pee can help you with.
You can order all of these products straight from the website of the manufacturers, so you won’t have any problem with the product once it arrives. And on the off chance that you do, they offer a money-back guarantee.
For the best chance of passing a urinalysis, you can’t do any better than synthetic urine. And for the best synthetic urine that you can get, we’d recommend Quick Fix Synthetic urine any day. It’s easy to use, formulated to pass, and has been tried-and-tested by weed smokers everywhere.
So while urine tests can spell big trouble, you don’t have to freak out about them so much anymore. With the right product, some forewarning, and a little preparation, you can bluff your way through these tests and puff another day.