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So you’ve got a drug test coming up, and you’ve decided to dodge it. You’ve got your fake urine, and you’ve got it ready for the day of your drug test. But, there’s one more concern: How do you actually get the urine into the facility? You can’t just walk in with a container of yellow liquid in your hand!
That’s why we’ve written this article. We’re going to cover exactly how you get your fake pee into the facility, and therefore get the pass you need.
You’ll need your fake pee, of course. If you don’t have any yet, we highly recommend our best synthetic urine kit, Sub Solution . Beyond the urine itself, you’ll need a container for it, and some means to keep it warm.
Yes, warm. Remember, urine comes from the body, and the body is not at room temperature. Human urine generally falls in a temperature range of 94F to 100F. If it’s higher than that, you’re running a fever; lower, and you’re dead. Since we don’t want the lab techs to infer either case, make sure to keep your urine warm. They will reject your sample if they have reason to believe it’s not in the right temperature range.
There are two ways to heat up your fake pee: the fast way and the slow way.
The fast way of keeping it warm is to toss the container into the microwave for about ten seconds. This will get it to around 100F. Once heated, secure it close to your body; we cover how in the next section. If you’re using a heating pad to maintain temperature, there’s no need to attach it close to the body, as the pad will take care of heating needs.
The slow way is by using the heating pad generally included with most synthetic urine kits. Attach the pad to the bottle, and it’ll get the urine up to the correct temperature in about forty-five minutes to an hour. Make sure you leave enough time for the heating pad to work. The heating pad will keep the urine warm for about eight hours.
Getting It Inside the Lab
Your urine is ready, now to get it inside the facility. If you’re wondering about whether they’ll pat you down, don’t worry: A lab does not have the capacity under the law to frisk you. They can ask you to empty your pockets and remove your jacket, but they aren’t empowered to do any more than that, as they are not law enforcement. This is generally the case for pre-employment tests; if police are present at your test, that’s a whole different problem. With all that said, if somebody spots a bulge where it shouldn’t be, they can ask you to show what’s causing it.
The easiest way to sneak your stuff in is to just stick it in your clothing. Since it’s close to your body, your body heat will keep it warm. The best option is down your underwear, and women can also tuck it into the bra. In all cases, take care that it doesn’t fall out of where you put it, and that it doesn’t make an obvious bulge.
If you want it a bit more secure, then you can attach the bottle to your body in a few different ways. The cheap and quick option is to use electrical tape from the hardware store. The fancy option is a Velcro strap with a built-in pouch specifically for the bottle. Some stores sell such pouches, and they’ll do the job nicely.
Another option: Some athletic shorts come with a pocket to accommodate a cup and thereby protect your bits. Get a pair of those and stick the bottle in there. Same deal as the Velcro strap arrangement, but less hassle.
A much subtler option is a belt pouch with an attached tube. This secures around your body and won’t bulge out for the lab techs to notice, and since it’s close to your body, your body heat works for it. If you’re being observed, the tube allows you to subtly fill up your sample cup.
For men who are dead sure that you’re going to be observed while you provide your sample, you’ll want a fake penis. It’s basically the same belt pouch rig, but the attached tube is instead a simulated penis that will fool the observing lab tech, and thus let you provide a substitute sample without being detected.
Last Things to Do
Before you put your sample in, whether it’s from a bottle or a tube arrangement, give the container a little shake first, to encourage bubbling. Then pour it into the sample cup. Urine tends to have a bit of bubble in it when naturally put into a sample cup, and you don’t want to trip the lab tech’s suspicions.
Once that’s done, step out and hand in your sample, and then off you go back to your usual life.
It might seem scary, but if you have a solid plan down, you’ll easily be able to sneak your package into the testing facility. Since their capacity to search you is limited, you can hide a bottle on your person, and if you’re being observed, there are solutions for that as well. Just remember not to skimp on the prep-work, there’s no point in trying to dodge a drug test if you get caught!
Stay safe out there. Peace!